POEMS I DID NOT WRITE

I wrote a variety of poems, odes really, about your ex-girlfriends. The poems were inappropriate and probably too private, so I deleted them.

 

I deleted the poem about the one who doesn't shave her legs because she's a feminist. I wrote that I shave my legs and do not feel less empowered. In order to be a better feminist I will quit plucking my eyebrows and shaving my bikini line. I won't bathe or use deodorant. I won't wipe my ass.

 

I deleted the poem about how all your ex-girlfriends are fat. I feel so out of place.

 

I deleted the poem about the one getting married next week. About how disgusting her leathery orange skin looks and how my ex-boyfriend wouldn't sleep with her. He would only let her suck his dick.

 

I deleted the poem about the one I like. We won't talk about her.

 

I deleted the poem about the one you sent naked pictures to. That poem branched into a series of poems discussing how many naked ex-girlfriend pictures you had. I deleted that entire series of poems.

 

I know you'll appreciate my concern for your feelings and privacy. I know these would have been inappropriate things to write about. I might even seem catty or maybe a little bitter. Don’t worry. I'll keep these things to myself.

(Brandi Wells has fiction in or forthcoming from Improbable Object, McSweeney's, Pank, Smokelong Quarterly and Hobart. She has a chapbook forthcoming as part of the chapbook collective Fox Force 5, which is being released by Paper Hero Press. She blogs at http://brandiwells.blogspot.com/)